


Boob Plate Ain't Great

by Fair_Feather_Friend



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, F/F, Fluff, Magic Armour, Old Friends, Orcs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:22:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22765426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fair_Feather_Friend/pseuds/Fair_Feather_Friend
Summary: When an orc warrior finds herself with some cursed magical armour she goes to her friend to help her.-The beautiful heroine strode into the shop, pausing dramatically in the doorway. She was stunning. A warrior woman with crimson hair that cascaded all the way to her butt, and a figure that, despite the cape that concealed it, was clearly all luscious curves. Her emerald skin was flawless. Even her scowl was beautiful."Don't laugh." the warrior snarled prettily."Ruby Riot?" Angharad spluttered in disbelief. "What the forge happened to you?""Curse."
Relationships: Female Armorsmith/Female Warrior Who Needs Frequent Repairs
Comments: 9
Kudos: 46
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thedevilchicken](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedevilchicken/gifts).



The beautiful heroine strode into the shop, pausing dramatically in the doorway. She was stunning. A warrior woman with crimson hair that cascaded all the way to her butt, and a figure that, despite the cape that concealed it, was clearly all luscious curves. Her emerald skin was flawless. Even her scowl was beautiful.

Angharad stared.

"Don't laugh." the warrior snarled prettily. 

"Ruby Riot?" Angharad spluttered in disbelief. "What the forge happened to you?"

"Curse."

Angharad looked the warrior up and down, appraising. 

"Don't you dare say it," Ruby Riot warned.

"That hair must be a nightmare to take care of. How can you even fight with it."

"I know!" Ruby Riot relaxed slightly. "It's always getting in the way. Watch." Ruby Riot pulled her hair back into a ponytail, securing it with a leather tie. The slightest movement of her head caused it to cascade free in exquisite waves, sunlight bouncing off the glossy tresses. Which was quite a feat. It was a cloudy day outside.

"Give me a moment." Angharad disappeared into the backroom, returning with her magic scissors. "How short?"

"Doesn't matter. It'll just grow back."

"Oh come on, I set up that one for you and you didn't even make a height joke." Angharad pulled the hair back and then severed it with her magic blades. She then set the copper tresses aside. "Here's hoping the magic keeps it at bay, at least for a bit. And if not you could make a fortune selling this for wigs."

Ruby Riot snorted. 

"So what can I do for you?"

"I need you to fix my armour."

"Seriously? What's wrong with it this time? I heard you'd just bought a full plate suit."

"I know!" 

"You should have come to me."

"Angry, you know I can't afford your full plate prices."

"There's no bargains when it comes to armour. If you don't pay with gold you pay with your life."

"I know." Ruby Riot sighed.

"You didn't lose it jousting again, did you?"

"I wish. Don't you dare laugh."

"As if I would." Angharad totally would. 

Ruby opened the cape. 

Her muscular form was, as always a sight to behold, not that there usually was that much of it on display. Usually. Today was the exception. Ruby Riot's emerald skin was absolutely flawless, which was obvious on account of her outfit consisting of a metal bra, panties and some fabulous boots.

Angharad tried to stifle her laughter and failed.

"I swear I will feed you to..." Ruby Riot growled.

"That's the worst case of boobplate I've ever seen. Wow. How does it even keep them up?"

"Magic." Ruby Riot glared. 

"Your butt does the same?"

"I hate you."

"Doesn't it chafe?"

"No. It's ridiculously comfortable and not at all like I'm freezing my tits off." 

"What in the world possessed you to put it on?"

"It looked like proper armour," Ruby Riot grumbled. "It was total bad-ass. Covered everything. I put it on and the first fight I had it fell to pieces."

"That doesn't explain why you're still wearing it."

"Go on, hit me, use your hammer, give it your all."

Angharad grabbed her hammer and swung it at Ruby. It clanged loudly off her breasts, ringing them as if they were a bell. Angharad tried again, and no matter where she aimed, she always hit the armour. 

Ruby Riot was completely unharmed and equally unimpressed. 

"That doesn't make sense," Angharad finally conceded.

"I know. Fracking magic. Do you still have that ghastly orange and lime gambeson?"

"Yeah." 

"Lend it to me."

"Have you completely lost all taste along with your tusks?" Angharad retrieved the hideous thing from the storage room. It smelled citrus fresh as always. 

Ruby Riot pulled it on on top of her existing 'armour'. It was shapeless, ill-fitting, hideous to look at, but big enough to fit her, badly, and smelled like fruit. Angharad had said someone had dropped a cleaning potion on it which had stuck. 

"Now fight me."

"Out the back. We're not wrecking my shop again." Angharad flipped the 'back soon' sign on the door and lead Ruby Riot out to the back courtyard. "Weapons?"

"Not for me." 

Angharad grinned ferally. "Let's see what you've learned." 

They fought barefisted. It was always a good, bracing, workout. Ruby Riot had the height advantage, as well as strength, and muscles, she was experienced, well trained, and surprisingly quick. But Angharad was fast and vicious. It was nearly impossible to land a blow on her as she leapt about, making full use of her claws. By the time they were done somehow, the gambeson was no more. In its place was an array of leather and fabric that could only generously be called clothing but more accurately lingerie.

"See." 

"I could make a fortune out of this," Angharad said. 

"Enough to buy me another suit of armour?" 

"Enough to make you another suit of armour."

"Really?" Ruby Riot grabbed her in a hug. "You'd do that for me?"

"Sure. It'll save me time constantly having to fix your armour."

"Oh." Ruby Riot frowned. "Then I wouldn't need to visit anymore."

"Don't be silly, visit whenever, we're friends. I do need to ask though, why did you decide to wear that armour? Are you cursed to keep it on?"

Ruby Riot blushed viridian. "No. It comes off. Thought you'd like to see it in action."

"You look better without it," Angharad replied. Ruby Riot blushed deeper. "Hey, mind out of the gutter, I didn't mean naked, I meant in your usual style. Boobplate's not you."

"I know," Ruby Riot said, relieved. "Even if it's the best armour I've ever worn."

"You won't be saying that after you've tried on the suit I'm going to make for you."

"Thanks." 

"You know if you wanted to seduce me into making you a set of armour you didn't have to come here looking like that. You could have just asked." 

"I wasn't trying to seduce you."

"Pity."

"What?"

"Oh come on Rubes. You think I let just anyone waltz in here with my competitors cheap armour and fix it up for them? I'm going to take the afternoon off, go searching for some magical components, you want to get changed and come with? Protect me from any nasties out there."

Ruby Riot scoffed. "Like you need protection. More like protect the nasties from you."

Angharad grinned ferally. "So it's a date then?"

"Sure."


	2. Bonus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why this happened but it did.

"This is a dress, Angry," Ruby Riot grumbled. 

"It's not, it's robes. Short robes."

"It is a red dress."

"Well you should have taken a change of clothes with you." 

"Don't have any. It all changed into negativelies."

"Negligees?"

"I know what I said."

"I'll buy you something when we get back. Part of your fee for this afternoon body guarding. 

"Since when do you need a bodyguard anyway?"

"You'll see."

\---

Ruby Riot did see only too well as the bullicorn charged her, enraged by the vibrant red of her outfit! "I hate you!" she yelled at Angharad. 

Angharad grinned ferally as she swiftly gathered the rare herbs she needed, picking each and every one with a care that was completely disconnected from the chaos happening to her friend as they chased each other around the meadow. 

Ruby Riot tried to wrestle the bullicorn into submission. "What you want me to do with this?" 

"Feed it flowers then ride it into your next joust. Every great warrior needs a noble steed and you won't have to worry about a lance."

"That's bull!" Ruby finally got it pinned. The bullicorn mooed angrily.

"Precisely! You know cows are one of the deadliest creatures."

"Says who? City lovers who've never met a monster?" Ruby Riot stuffed a random flower into its mouth. The bull slowly began to relax. "Drunken idiots who think cow tipping is a great time." She stuffed several others.

"They'd pay a fortune for bullicorn steaks."

"Doesn't seem fair." Ruby Riot said. "They want bullicorn steaks they can hunt them themselves." Ruby Riot considered riding majestically into battle atop this mighty bullicorn. Only he had issues with the one colour you were guaranteed to see on a battlefield, and he didn't seem that adept at using his one horn to fight. Besides he had just been protecting his territory. Better to leave the flashy mounts to other warriors. "You almost done?"

"Why?" Angharad asked.

"Wrong answer." Ruby Riot let the bullicorn go. Rather than charging off he just lolled there on the grass. "Hey up you lazy beast."

"Moo?" 

She helped haul him to his hooves. "Off you go."

"Moo?"

"No. Go." Ruby Riot looked down at her dress and it was gone, in its place a set of sexy red why would anyone in their right mind want to wear such impractical attire. Fortunately, it no longer seemed to enrage the bullicorn. "You have no taste," she told him as she walked over to where Angharad was picking a particularly big daisy. The bull trotted after her as if it were a docile pet.

"Aww you've made a friend," Angharad smiled. "And if you ever get fed up of him he'll make a nice suit of leather armour."

"You'll make a nice suit of leather armour."

"I'd make a terrible one. I'm better at working with metal," Angharad smiled. She thrust a small posy of wildflowers at Ruby Riot who blushed as she took them. They were delicate and pretty and very flowery and everything Ruby Riot was not. She was only able to enjoy them for a few seconds before the bullicorn swiped them with its huge prehensile tongue.

"Hey!" Ruby Riot protested. "Forget armour, turn him into a bag."

"Moooo," he protested. Ugh... she was going to keep him, she just knew it.

"Isn't this romantic?" Angharad asked. "A nice sunset walk with a beautiful woman, picking flowers."

"You're the worst."


End file.
